When Worry is Big and Your Faith is Small

When Cody and Ryley were on deployment I wasn’t sure what to expect or feel. As I mentioned before, this was new territory that we were pioneering. My husband and I would talk out our emotions and plan how to keep our eyes up and our hearts encouraged. It would be a lot harder than I thought.

Cody was better at keeping in touch with us than Ry. As a combat engineer, he would go out on missions and come back to his FOB and Skype us or shoot us a private message. Ryley, however, was infantry. Although he joined as a mechanic, his job was changed to mortar man and then to infantry. He would be out on mission as well but was unable to communicate with us as often as Cody did. It drove me crazy!  

One strategy Joe and I did practices was the quoting of scriptures over them, not just any scripture, we prayed passages of safety, covering and protection; we would plead the blood of Jesus over them and their brothers. Cody would share with us bits and pieces of how God protected him and his unit. There was a time when they were doing route clearance and after about 300 yard passed the area an IED exploded. He said it was as if an angel held the detonator down until they were all out of harms way. There are more stories of Gods protection I would love to share but I can’t. But believe me; I knew God was watching over my sons, but my faith would have strong days and weak days.  I was like the father in Mark nine asking the Lord for a miracle. He brought the heaviest burden of his heart and hoped with all his being that Jesus would heal his son if he could.  I love the way Jesus answer this father,

“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief! Mark 9: 23-25 NLT

I entirely understand this daddy. It takes all the faith he can muster to believe in something he has hoped and longed for but never quite seen. To dismiss all his disappointment and just let faith take the lead, is easy to say but not easy to do. To hope beyond the impossible and wait for God to perform a miracle isn’t natural, it’s supernatural. His words, “Lord I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief.” make more sense if you have ever faced the impossible and held out for God to do as he promised. When you have literally slid down to the end of your rope and you are hanging on by vapors; it is more God holding you than you holding on.

My faith walk was on a tight rope and I needed more rope and a giant net underneath me, because I was certain I would fall.  "Lord I believe, help my unbelief".  I wanted to be stronger than I actually was. I wanted to be faith filled. But what I've learned in all of this was grace was just as importand to have as faith.

Sometimes we think more faith is needed, but in essence we need to give ourselves grace during the hard times. What this Military Mom journey has tought me is trusting God is extremely important but when worry is big and your faith is small, His Grace will see you through to another day.