A mom knows

If you are just joining the story, you may want to go back and read the previous blogs. 

My sleep was restless as I tossed and turned with the plethora of “What Ifs” floating through my mind. How was I going to convince the Major to transfer my son? How was I going to stand before someone who I believed did not have a heart towards Ry or our beliefs?  The next morning I crawled out of bed and laid face down on the floor before the Lord, crying out for wisdom, courage and articulation of speech. I waited on Him for direction. I wasn’t just a women in what felt like a mostly mans world, I was a civilian in a military world. They spoke with acronyms and a lingo I did not understand. There is actually a book on all the acronyms. I tried to read it but I was soooo long, confusing and boring. I decided to just ask, “What does that mean?” and let them do the work of explaining. Brilliant I know.

As I was in prayer, I really felt the Holy Spirit speak to me. That I wasn't there to battle El Paso and Fort Bliss, I was there to war for my son and his transfer. It was simple and precise and it was what I needed to move forward in confidence. I have authority over my son, not El Paso. So to war for him and not against a territory made a great deal of sense to me.

I got up and went to meet with Bob. We chatted a bit and then we both walked over to the building where I would meet the Major over the WTB. Bob didn't want me to get my hopes up. He wasn't sure if the Major was going to be able to meet with me. We were going over to see if a meeting was possible. He also informed me that the Major was very matter of fact; to not be emotional and to state my cause and then let it be. As I was in the waiting room, a gentleman walked by and Bob stopped him in the hall. They spoke briefly and then the man continued walking to his office. It was the Major. I was glad I smiled. J

We waited a few more minutes and then I was called back for my meeting. As I walked into his office I felt a presence of peace fall on me and a boldness come forth just in time. I sat down and began to explain my situation and the reason I was there. The words flowed from my mouth without me needing to think about them. (Thank you Jesus)  When I was finished the Major looked at me and said it is unusual to transfer someone in this situation. Your son was sent here for care and we don’t normally transfer a soldier. I argued my point of a head trauma patient with PTSD needs family to help the recovery process. That Fort Bliss had no measuring stick to gauge what was normal for Ryley because he was injured when he got there. That he was being treated for mental illness when in fact he had a frontal lobe TBI. And it was me bringing it to the attention of his Captain and sergeants of his injury.

I watched as the man thought on all I had to say but then said nothing. I then continued with my plea. “Sir, would you please consider transferring my son close to home so we can be part of his healing and recovery?” He was a man of few words and just looked at me and said, “Yes ma’am I will.” That was good enough for me. I exited his office and went to find Bob. He asked me how the meeting went and I told him everything. When he heard that the final answer from the Major was that he would consider the transfer, Bob was amazed. He said that the Major was a non negotiating man. The fact that I got him to consider Ryley’s transfer was miracle in itself. Well, I didn’t come here for anything less than miracles and I expected God to move a Muslim Army Majors heart towards my son. And He did.

I had a couple more meeting with administration and Ry’s nurse case manager, who was getting pretty exhausted with me.  I then went to go see Ry for the evening. When I showed up at Mentis, Ryley was over at the assisted living side playing rummy and smoking with the older folks. It was a precious sight. The lady he seemed to be bonding with had a huge heart towards Ryley and sort of grandmothered him. I hung out with them for a while and then left for the night.

Every time I left Ryley at Mentis, I always thought, “Is this the best thing for him?”  It wasn’t long before that question would be answered. The weekend came and I would get to spend an entire Saturday with my boy. I told him I would pick him up around lunch time so we could both sleep in.  I went to sign him out for the day but when I got there he seemed to be having a rough start. He was angry and in turmoil. “Uh oh” I thought. “I know what this is” Ry was about to have a hulk like moment. He was clenching his fists and in such confusion. We went out side so he could smoke and I tried to calm him down. I then ran to get the administrator. When I found him, he said he was going to get the counselor. I waited outside keeping watch over Ry to make sure he didn’t hurt himself or anyone else. When the administrator came back outside, without the counselor, I asked if he was coming. The administrator (who was former army) was very upset.  He said, with anger in his voice. “The counselor is having lunch right now and said he would come when he was done.” I thought I was going to blow a gasket! Isn’t that what he’s here for? What’s the point of having an on sight counselor when he can’t be bothered to put down his blooming sandwich!? My blood was boiling.

The administrator was incredible though. He spoke calmly and gently to Ryley.  He let Ry vent, scream and rage. He assured me to just let him be. Let him walk it out. He was having a flood of memories of war but didn’t have the mind to process them. On top of that, El Paso resembles the middle east with its terrain, so at times it can be in your face with flash backs.  Ryley began to calm down after he roared at the world for about 30 minutes. He then smoked a ton of cigarettes. Now, I don’t condone smoking, but they calmed him down. I was informed by one of the nurses that it was the least of their worries with the wounded warriors. Most of them are hooked on pills or alcohol; smoking is the less of the evils and can actually help them settle down. I agreed.

When the counselor did come down stair and the administrator and I had already endured the worst of Ryley’s storm, I approached him with a burr in my saddle. My adrenaline was already going so the sight of him was all I needed to let him have it. I tore into him with all I had. I couldn’t understand the lacks a daisy attitude he had towards our wounded warriors. He had no excuse. He fumbled with his reasoning. I shut him down each time. I informed him that if he was going to bother to be a counselor at a neuro clinic then he needed to be available for situations that imposed on his lunch hour. That he of all people should know of the unpredictability of a head trauma and PTSD and they didn't schedule episodes around lunch.  I stepped down off my soap box and walked away, and went to hang out with Ry for a while. When he was more himself we went to the Fisher house watched and movies in my room. I made us dinner and then returned him to Mentis by 8:00 pm.

Oh how I longed for normalcy and healing. I ached for my son. I cried out for peace for his heart and mind. I missed my husband. I missed Jessey and Sydney. I worried about Cody.  I had another week in Texas and then I would leave to go home for Thanksgiving, but I informed all his caregivers and leaders Ryley WAS coming home for Christmas leave; that I would be back to bring him home for Christmas. It was ton paperwork but I knew he needed to come home. Something wonderful was going to happen if I could just get him home, if I could just get him in the presence of God. Oh and how wonderful it would be. 

Light meets the Dark

If your just joining the story, you may want to go back and read the past post.

Leaving Ryley at Mentis was one of the most painful things I have done as a mother. As he was settling into his new environment, I was preparing to meet with high ranking officials. The next three weeks for me would be filled with daily meeting and me pleading my case for his transfer close to home.

One would think it would be a no brainer to send a wounded soldier with a head trauma near family; it’s common sense. One would think that it would be beneficial for his healing. One would think that having family involved with his healing would help the process of recovery… Now I sound bitter. Let me just continue with my story.

As I was coming and going from the Fisher House. I met a family that was there to visit their son. Now, I can’t go into detail as to what happened to their son, that’s their story. I can tell you, he was injured and the army flew his parent in to be with him. It was so nice to have some companionship in the big house.  The Fisher House is the biggest blessing you never want to need and because most people who walk through the doors are there for a common reason, friendships forge very naturally.

One morning I was preparing to go see Ry first, and then meet with an ombudsman for direction and strategy, when I had the opportunity to have coffee with Melanie. Let me just say, my heart lunged towards her immediately. She was a woman of faith and that in itself was a connection, but to also have two sons in the army and then to have one injured, well, now its providence. We had a few minutes to chat about our families, our soldiers, our fears and our hopes of healing before we both went our separate ways for the day. Her and her husband went to the hospital and I went to see Ry and then to a very scary meeting.

After taking Ry a Mocha Java Chip and praying with him for the day, I then left to meet with the ombudsmen, that I will call Bob. Bob was a large man that had a very intimidating presence. The first time I met Bob, was after I spoke with Ryley’s nurse case manager, because I was questioning Ryley’s care.  His NCM then directed me to Bob who was a very matter of fact and stern ombudsman. I was a nervous wreck but knew I needed to hide my fears.

 I called Joe every morning and he prayed for the day’s events and meetings. I pulled my shoulders back and prepared to pretend bravery as I went to see Bob. The meeting was necessary because he was going to connect me with the right leaders to advocate for Ry, but I felt so small and unimportant.

As I walked up to his office for our 10:00 am meeting, I saw the door was open but he wasn’t at his desk. His radio was on and a soldier told me to have a seat in the hall and Bob would be right back. As I sat down to wait, I listened to the music that was floating out of his office. It was Chris Tomlin’s song “How great is our God”! I was amazed and excited. Could it be God was placing a Christian man to be my ombudsman? Yes! How great is our God indeed.

When Bob came back he invited me in to his office. We had some small talk and then we went right into the reason I was in Texas. I told him it was my desire to have Ryley transferred closer to home so he could heal near his family. That having a head trauma and personality change required more than rehabilitation, it required those who knew Ryley. I also voiced my concern for the medication he was on, because his last blood work said his liver was failing and the doctor’s excuses were feeble to say the least.

Bob listened as I shared everything with him. At the end of our conversation he said he would help me with whatever he could. That he was a neutral party, he was the middle man that made sure the soldier was taken care of.  He then gave me some much needed advice. “Mrs., Ruddock, you must keep in mind, these high ranking officers are not your boss. You do not need to be intimidated by them. Be confident when speaking with them, do not stumble or stutter over your words. State your case and be the brave woman you are.

It reminded me of the story of Esther when Hegai told Esther what to do, wear or say.

 …When it was Esther’s turn to go to the king, she accepted the advice of Hegai, the eunuch in charge of the harem. She asked for nothing except what he suggested…. Esther 2:15

This was just another divine connection God was giving me. Bob went to work setting up a meeting with the Major who was over the Wounded Warrior Barracks. This would be one of many meeting I would have. My day was filled with chatting with Ryley’s NCM, his sergeant and his captain.

 I went back to Mentis to pick up Ry to have dinner with me. Ryley was all over the place again. He didn’t want to listen to the music I had on in the car, he was angry and frustrated. We spent the evening together and it took all my energy to endure the few hours I had with him. I felt so guilty to feel so tired and worn. As I returned Ryley to rehab and signed him back in, I kept wondering if this was the best thing for him. I really want it to be, but I wasn’t convinced.

I called Joe on the drive back to the Fisher House and cried the whole way. I wept because Ryley wasn’t Ryley. I grieved because I couldn’t make it better, and I hated myself because I couldn’t wait to take him back to rehab, it was hard being around him when he was like this, and I was a little afraid at times. After all my days’ efforts, the reality was still the same. As I cried to Joe on the phone about how horrible I felt, he began to sing to me the song by Tenth Avenue North:

 “This is where the healing begins, this is where the healing starts, when you come to where you’re broken within the Light meets the dark.” What an amazing man I have.

My heart settled down and I chatted with Joe about the great things that happened that day. I got my perspective back.

This song would become my Rocky like “Eye of Tiger” power song.  Every time it played I would be reminded that this is where the Healing begins.  We were on a journey for Ry. The Light collided with the dark that night and comforted a very tired and weary mother. And tomorrow when I met with the Major who was over the WTB, the Light would run into the dark again, for I was informed that the
Major was a devout Muslim. Now it gets interesting.

Here is the link to hear Tenth Avenue North's  Light Meets The Dark

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFUHrXfuNU4