“Mrs., Ruddock?” “Yes” I said with hesitation. “We would like to admit your son to a neurological rehabilitation hospital.” I sat in the archaic army hospital chair trying to soak it all in. “Why God? How can this be happening? What are we doing here?” were all questions floating through my head.
But let me back this up a bit:
Ryley, our middle son, enlisted in the army October, 2009. Cody, our oldest, returned from Bible College and joined August 2010 and by April 2011 both were deployed to Afghanistan. My heart felt the wait of worry for both my sons placed in harms way.
When others mothers tried to comfort me and relate they would say things like, “I know how you feel, my son left for college and I worry about him all the time. I miss him. I cried when I dropped him off. I cried the whole drive home.” I would stand there blinking like a cartoon. In fact, I think you could hear the “Blink Blink” in my confused look. I wanted to yell at them and say things like, “Really?! Is your son at college being hunted? Is he trained to be keenly aware of IED’s (improvised explosion devices)? Do you drive home after work terrified to see a government vehicle in your drive way?” Instead, I would thank them for their prayers, and stuff my fear deep within.
One of the biggest heartaches I had, was feeling completely alone and being misunderstood or not understood at all.
My nights were filled with crying out to God for our boys, for protection, angels to guard them, preserve them, keep them from harms way. Come July, I began to have horrible nightmares about Ryley being shot, injured or killed. I began to withdraw from my friends and just anchor deep to God and share my hearts cry with my husband and family.
Even family had a hard time wrapping their minds around my giant fear and worries. Holly, you just got to trust God. They’re gonna be ok. God won’t let anything happen to them…But He did. God did allow something bad to happen. He did allow one to be hurt. He did allow danger to fall.
I didn’t know how I was going to get through. I didn’t know how to live with this new Ryley. I didn’t know if I could walk this road God was asking me travel. One thing I did know though, God was for us.
Whatever I had to face I would face it. I would confront the unknown, look darkness in the eye, charge toward my fears and go toe to toe with the US Army.
This is our story of all the in-between: the injury, rehabilitation, anger, fear, little battles and big victories, healing, peace, a new life and a second chance.
God did allow something awful to happen, but He also allowed the miracles to get us through.
No comments:
Post a Comment